It's amazing the extent to which whatever book I'm reading at a given time can influence the way I think. I went from PKD to Hudson's Green Mansions... and I feel utterly vapid this week compared to last.
Green Mansions, incidentally, is disappointing.
PKD can be really destablizing I think. When I read his books I feel like I'm engaging in this super intense direct-download. Like I'm downloading this information straight from God, and it's just going into my head and rearranging tons of stuff really quickly. It completely disregards the existing organization of ideas in my mind. What especially impresses me is how he was able to write about divinity, God, Satan, etc in completely informal language.. and yet when I read it I feel like I'm plugged into this monolithic meta-consciousness. The way he handles the divine paradoxes.. it all leaves me breathless. Whenever I go through a PKD-immersion phase I find I start feeling kind of floaty and weird. Actually, I feel like Mr. Burns in that episode of the Simpsons where he goes floating around at night and he's glowing and his pupils are dilated.
That having been said.. I'm still digesting the Divine Invasion.
In other news, I've been thinking about the weird passivity that all these new age philosophies promote so aggressively, specifically in the context of the whole "detachment" idea. I think there's a lot to be said for "detachment" in the truly zen sense of the word but I'm afraid there's something else running rampant out there, and that's a kind of "pop detachment" that claims to be a tool for internal empowerment but which I'm beginning to suspect is actually robbing people of individual authority. When I say "authority" I don't mean like bossing other people around, I'm talking about the freedom and the strength to AUTHOR your own self, to claim your path. Let's take the popular new age series 'Conversations With God' by Neale Donald Walsch. Now, I read this when I was sixteen and I thought it was pretty fucking swell back then, but I've since changed my mind. This book, and many others, go on and on about how you just have to let everything go and stop wanting and that desire is the root of all suffering and etc. In a sense this is true, but I think it's a gross and potentially dangerous oversimplification.
A few minutes ago I was sitting here flipping through an old journal from 2003. This notebook contains pages and pages of me talking about the stuff with which I was dissatisfied. At that point I hadn't fully gotten out from under the new agey inundation and reading these old journal entries I just see all these buzzwords all over the place, words like "ALLOW" and "CHOOSE" and "CREATE" and etc. Now, there's nothing wrong with any of those words, inherently. They're cool words with cool meanings. What I see, though, is a girl who was really caught up in this new age jargon to the point where she was verbally walking on eggshells even in the privacy of her OWN DIARY. I read so many of these pseudo-spiritual self help books, I started to believe that words like "want" and "need" are highly toxic and should be avoided at all costs, EVEN AT THE COST OF HONEST EXPRESSION. I don't want this new age "fake it til you make it" bullshit -- if I'm not evolved enough to not WANT anything, I shouldn't go around PRETENDING that I am. It's painful and inauthentic. You can't just ignore your wants and your dissatisfaction with life and hope it all goes away eventually, because guess what -- it fucking won't! The only way to stop wanting and needing is to ACKNOWLEDGE the want, examine yourself and your circumstances, maybe come up with a plan of action. Start making changes! I think that's way more effective than trying to trick your brain into enlightenment by eliminating certain words from your vocabulary.
Anyway, I'm not discounting the power of thought or language. I think that this whole fad is actually rooted in something very sound, but it's been perverted and glossed over and made marketable and formulaic and easy.
I personally am a lot happier since I stopped trying to adhere to those stupid rules.
I haven't posted in a few days because I've had one of those persistent nagging tension headaches... (the same one that started the day I stopped drinking cofffe.) Anyway it's going away SLOWLY but I've had to limit my computer time because staring at the monitor makes it worse.
So, I just finished reading the Divine Invasion. JEEZ. It was amazing.
Now I've read:
Valis
Radio Free Albemuth
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep
The Transmigration of Timothy Archer
A Scanner Darkly
The Divine Invasion
...and I have Ubik sitting on my bookshelf, but I think I need to take a break and read something else before I delve into that one.
Ah man, my brain is cooked right now. I'm going to write more about TDI later tonight, but right now I need to go immerse myself in something mundane, like doing laundry. Hoo boy!
I think that what the human mind commonly places inside the "darkness" bracket are two distinctly different energies or elements which deserve more differentiation and examination. On the one hand, we have the darkness of the Black Iron Prison -- occlusion, perceived alienation from God, the "bad" end of the emotional spectrum, "evil," et cetera. On the other hand we have something that's a bit more difficult to wrap the mind around, and that is what I will for purposes of convenience term "cosmic darkness," a creative force unto itself. I want to dwell on how these two ideas are different. When you get into this kind of theoretical demarcation I think it's important to remember that ultimately there is unity, ultimately there is no this vs. that or here vs. there, but for the time being we will permit those boundaries to exist.
Let's talk about "worldly darkness." I believe that this is the energy of the devil archetype, an energy which runs rampant on our little blue planet. It is the blindness of the demiurge and the lies of the archon -- indeed it is the very anima of the archon -- the false life and the counterfeit spirit which so many mistake for truth. I think the concept of the organic portal is a personification of this occluding complex. The concept of a soulless human is certainly an evil one -- without souls, what are we but appetite? This archonic energy, the Black Iron Prison itself must in fact be self-limiting. In that it is entirely uncreative and mechanistic its only mode of expansion is viral, lateral, self-corrupting. It seems that while the divine is able to pierce the veil between worlds and dip down into our prison, the demiurge, lacking creativity, is unable to lift itself out of itself -- out of occlusion or 'worldly darkness'. It is confined to an eternal mechanistic rearranging-of-already-existing pieces -- it is incapable of creating anything new, and thus it cannot build bridges to other worlds. It is one-sided, lacking dual awareness.
The other side of the darkness coin is something which I find to be infinitely more exciting. It is the cosmic darkness, a luminous, true Darkness. This is the outward-turned Ajna-eye of Shiva, the vision which obliterates falsehood. The dark and terrible aspect of Shiva is the light which destroys the archon. It is Rudra, the howling one -- Rudra-Shiva, frightener of gods. This cosmic darkness is a dual awareness, entirely versatile. As it manifests as active destruction, it is also the yin energy, the darkened womb of new life. This is the shaman who stalks her own death. This is Christ who is warrior, protector, healer, and truth.
I have found that the most inspiring archetypes and philosophies and mysteries are the ones that seek not to cast out darkness but to integrate it fully. I'm not interested in locking myself away forever inside a bubble of white light. That's equivalent to running away from your own shadow -- it won't work, anyway. The shadow is part of the human capacity for divine sight -- it's our little piece of the Ajna-eye, and a far cry from the walls of the Black Iron Prison.
Haeresis left a comment over on Max's blog that included a link to a page comparing a map of the internet to a neuronal map of the human brain. There are some striking similarities.
The hive mind is manifesting?
I'm going to be the Childlike Empress!
From Cosmogony & Cosmology:
"That Shiva the destroyer god is now active signals the fact that the cycle of creation has returned to its source, or rather, that the life forms of it are ready to return to their source."
In destroying the world, Shiva must destroy the worldly God -- the Archons and the Lord of the Archons, the Demiurge. We can see shades of this process -- the obliteration of the false god -- everywhere in the world around us. It elucidates and it occludes simultaneously, as any dramatic and chaotic transition must. It is manifest in the new voice of Gnosticism and in the widening gap between conservative orthodoxy and progressive counter-culture.
In my previous post I mentioned Atreyu and the soul-mirror threshold to the Southern Oracle. Before the mirror gate, Atreyu has to pass between two Sphinx(es?) -- smaller golden versions of the Oracle her/itself, threshold guardians. The eyes of the Sphinx will remain closed as long as the person passing through is pure of heart. If the warrior allows himself to be filled with fear and doubt, the eyes open and shoot out lethal beams of white light, instantly vaporizing the would-be hero. Atreyu makes it through, but just barely. When he finally does reach the actual Oracle, it speaks to him with closed eyes -- perfectly analogous to Shiva:
"Shiva possesses a third or Ajna eye, which, when turned inwardly, gives him understanding to an absolute degree; when turned outward, it destroys. [...] Through the total insight given him by his Ajna eye, Shiva the destroyer perceives that which he must destroy in the service of justice. Through that total insight he also perceives those whom he must protect."
Shiva or Christ acts as a mirror, mirroring ourselves back to us. The destructive aspect of Shiva is not arbitrary, nor is it a good vs. bad phenomenon, rather it is a statement of what IS. A true mirror will tell ultimate truth in its ultimate form. Therefore, if a lie looks into a true mirror, it must be destroyed, not because the lie is "bad," but because it is FALSE, and the only means to comprehension of the falsehood is through the destruction of the lie.
The lie can only know itself by ceasing to exist.
If Philip K. Dick were still alive, would he blog with us? Is he blogging with us even though he's dead? What would he think of this very Dick-centric little community of blogs?
The 1978 Cosmogony and Cosmology essay was the baptism of fire that first blew my mind open. It really pushed me over this cognitive edge that I'd been teetering on for quite some time. I am now revisiting this essay. There's something in the structure of PKD's writing, maybe it's the fact that the work itself is apparently sentient, that reminds me of rose petals or onion skin. It's some kind of spiraling, layered effect that makes it very difficult to come up against any kind of a dead end. It's not a maze, it's a labyrinth.
"The universe cannot be asked to remove its mask if the person will not shed his."
What are our masks? I mean besides the obvious, besides the material preoccupations and the narcissism and ego and fear, what are the more insidious masks behind which we hide? I don't think we wear masks simply to hide ourselves -- I think we also use them to keep the universe OUT, becasue we aren't quite sure how we feel about total cosmic comprehension. I've noticed a general theme of discussion lately has been the question of how to blow up your reality, how to make the self explode so that only the truth, dark and sparkling, remains. I'm reminded of Atreyu's trials before his audience with the Southern Oracle, especially the magic mirror one wherein he is forced to comprehend -- and then to pass THROUGH -- the entirety of his being. The mirror shows you your true self, your darkest aspects as well as the light. Apparently this is more than most warriors can handle.
The removal of the mask is a pretty tall order. I feel like there's a lot of back and forth between myself and the universe, a lot of God saying, "Do you really want it?" and I'm like, "Yeah, I want it," and then God gives me some and suddenly it's like, "Whoa, okay, hold on, you can keep it, I don't want it yet." But then God is like, "No? Okay. But you told me you wanted it," and I go, "Well yeah, I mean I do, I just --" and God says, "Aha! I knew you wanted it. Here, have some." And I go, "Oh shit," and on and on, ad infinitum.
Richard Linklater said it nicely in Waking Life:
"Behind the phenomenal difference there is but one story, and that's the story of moving from the 'No' to the 'Yes.' All of life is like, 'No thank you, No thank you, No thank you.' And then, ultimately, it's, 'Yes I give in, Yes I accept, Yes I embrace.' I mean, that's the journey. Everyone gets to the 'Yes' in the end, right?"
Those "No thank yous" are the voice of what PKD has termed the Artifact, the spurious world, the blind and mechanistic servant-turned-master. Does it follow, then, that when I say No, I am giving life to lies, allowing them to live in and through me? Jesus said that it is not what goes into your mouth that will defile you, but what comes out of your mouth that will defile you.
More from PKD:
"In Christ, God descended to corporeal manhood -- at that point the division between the two realms was abolished. Those humans selected out to participate in this group mind -- they would be immortal."
Perhaps it is not the choice to be saved or not to be saved, but the choice to NOW become real. We are born Pinnochios, effigies created in the image of God, but it is up to the individual to surrender oneself to Godly possession. The homoplasmate is born -- it is by this that we are granted TRUE life and TRUE flesh. Semantically we here run the risk of coming dangerously close to the Cassiopaean doctrine of the Organic Portal. I do NOT mean to say that we are born soulless -- I think that's an evil philosophy. I believe that our souls are the very things which allow for our transmutation into the divine. God sleeps in everything that exists. God is dreaming us as we are dreaming God -- eventually both parties must awaken and return to being one mind.
"Urgrund [the Real God] creates artifact which projects universe which gives rise to life forms which evolve to a stage in which the Urgrund is "born" or reflected. This reflects the sequence of stages envisioned in the Hindu religion. First there is creation by Brahma, then Vishnu sustains the universe; then Shiva destroys it, which should be understood as receiving it back into its origin."
I just wrote a really long post. A really personal story. And when I was almost finished telling it, I deleted it. I realized that what I needed was not to share the details of that story, but to journey through those details in order to arrive at an open space, an empty sky.
It was a verbal and emotional expulsion, preceding calm and lucidity. I had to give form to the clutter before I could sweep it away.
The windows are open. The air is moving. There is freshly cut grass outside and coffee downstairs.
The temperature is perfect.
OM. Tryambakam yajamahe
Sugandhim pushti-vardhanam
Urvarukamiva bandhanan
Mrityor mukshiya mamritat
The Maha Mrtyunjaya Mantra is a Shiva prayer. I have found these words to be quite powerful. Here is an excerpt from a beautiful discussion of the mantra:
"The Power of Shiva's EYES
Stories glorifying Shiva as Mrityunjaya and extolling the practice of the Maha Mrityunjaya mantra abound. Many of them are allegorical-infusing characters and story line with symbolic meaning; others are primarily inspirational; still others reveal details about specific practices.
The power of the mantra has been explained by Shiva himself in the Netra Tantra, a conversation recorded between Shiva and his wife, Parvati. At the opening of the text Parvati asks, "Yours eyes are so beautiful; they are filled with the tears of compassion. How is it possible that from such eyes flared forth the terrible fire capable of reducing death itself to ashes?"
Excerpted from Netra Tantra by Pandit Rajmani Tugunait - "Siva said, "Be joined in yoga, O Parvati, for only then will you be able to understand how the fire inherent in my eyes is the immortal elixir. The light in my eyes is all-pervading. It faces every direction and it resides in all states of walking, dreaming, and sleep. It is the source of life for all living beings. It can be known only through the practice of yoga, and can never be experienced by those who lack self-effort.
"The light in my eyes is the same as one's own radiance. It is self-evident. It is the highest form of inner strength. It is eternal and it is ojas (the radiant energy that infuses matter with life). It is the power of will-the indomitable will of the soul. In it lies the seed of omniscience, the power to know, and the power to act. It is through this force, intrinsic to me, that I destroy and I create.
"The whole universe is filled and sustained by this energy. In fact the powers of will, knowledge, and action together are my eyes. They are the source of immortality, the ultimate force of healing and nourishment. They are the embodiment of my radiant vitality. The knowers of mantra science call it Mrityunjaya, the conqueror of death. It enables one to attain freedom from all forms of misery, for it is the destroyer of all diseases. Meditation on this brilliant light, manifesting in the form of Mrityunjaya mantra, cools down the scorching heat of worldly and spiritual poverty. It is pure, peaceful, and unfailing.
"The light of this mantric shakti outshines millions of suns. It is with this fire of radiant divine energy that I destroy the world in a flash and breathe life into it in no time. There is nothing beyond this power-. With this mantra one is able to conquer all one's enemies (anger, hatred, jealousy, and greed). It is the source of longevity, health, and well-being-. Assuming different forms and shapes, the power of this light, the Mrityunjaya mantra, pervades the whole universe. It is the source of all protection physicals, mental and spiritual. There is no mystery higher than this-the mystery of my eyes, the fire residing in them, and how that fire manifest in the form of Mrityunjaya mantra."
There's a great recorded version of this mantra on Manorama's CD, Sarva-Bhuteshu/In All Beings. In fact, this is an excellent CD overall. Manorama's voice is beautiful and her pronunciation is pretty much perfect. If you live in NYC you could always just go to one of her evening kirtans for the real deal. If you're into chanting/bhakti yoga you won't be disappointed.
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